It's my turn to "give back" to my public, to the
people who've made me a success!
I am flooded with letters, asking my opinion
about everything, so I am taking this opportunity
to respond to the many letters I have received.
Dear Mildred, My son is 25 and has never been married.
  He's dating a trashy blonde divorcee who already has two children.  My husband and I are disgusted and have informed him that he is to never bring that skank into our home.
 I'm afraid he is serious about this tramp, in which case our family will be destroyed - any advice?
Signed, Disgusted in Denver

Dear Disgusted:  There must be something wrong with YOU, to be overly involved in your son's romantic life.
Guess what, he doesn't need your approval, Mommie Dearest.
  If he wants to date the town tramp, it's a free country. 
If you are willing to lose your son because of his choice of woman, then it's your loss.
  Maybe if you focused more on your own marriage, you wouldn't be so worried about your son? 
By the way....your husband has been calling me frantically for 3 weeks.
  Please ask him to cease and desist, or I will be forced to get a restraining order!
Sincerely, Mildred Pierce
Dear Mildred, My husband isn't paying any attention to me!
  I am so miserable and sad.  He has made me so depressed,
all I want to do is lie in bed and cry.  I've gained 40 lbs., I no longer wear make-up, and I go nowhere.
 I'm stuck in a rut - help me, Mildred!
Signed, Deep in Detroit

Dear Deep:  Girl, you'd better haul your butt out of the bed asap,
 before you lose your man.
 Why SHOULD he pay attention to you, when you're overweight, crying,
 and unable to get out of bed.....good grief, woman!
 Don't you realize that you've got to be alluring, captivating, and sexy?
 Start an exercise program, slap some warpaint on, buy some negligees, and seduce your man - before you wind up in divorce court.
Sincerely, Mildred Pierce
Dear Mildred, My wife has a very demanding career, and I understand that.  I do everything I can to make her life easier.  Being a house-husband, I make sure the meals are ready when she arrives home from work,
I keep the house sparkling clean. 
She doesn't have to lift a finger.
  And yet with all that, she never has time for romance (if you get my drift).  I'm seriously love-starved, Mildred, what should I do?
Signed, Lonely in Lancaster

Dear Lonely:  You are a pathetic shell of a man! 
No wonder she doesn't want to get it on,
 I would be as sickened as your wife obviously is.
 There must be something wrong with a man who wants to stay home all
day - why, your wife should be the one who has the luxury of staying home, being a homemaker. 
You are unnatural. 
Your wife probably already has a hot hunk on the side!
 I can't say I blame her - you're a freak of nature, and should be
run out of town. 
Have a pleasant day.
Sincerely, Mildred Pierce
Dear Mildred,  I have an urgent family situation and I need your input.
 My brother-in-law constantly makespasses at me at family functions, and  I don't know what to do.
 He is married to my husband's sister, and she is fat, gross, and loud - if she finds out, there will be hell to pay.  Of course I do not encourage his attention, as I'm very happily married.
 I have no idea how to handle this.
Signed, Worried in Wisconsin

Dear Worried:  I understand your problem, dear, this happens to me quite often.
 Do the right thing.
 Tell your brother-in-law that you will not be party to this nonsense any further,
and to seal the deal, you require $500.
If he doesn't pay up, threaten to go to his wife and spill the beans.
  You've got the money coming to you,
 for enduring this clown's shenanigans.
Sincerely, Mildred Pierce